What do I stand for. Part 2

What do I Stand for? Part 2.

Last year I wrote a blog to go along with a song by F.U.N. called Some Nights. I wrote this blog while I was in Uganda. I was having a difficult time understand the things that were going on around me and trying to figure out what I believed and stood for in a world where money and appearance seems to be the driving force. Now a year later from the day that I left the United States to go to Uganda I am still left with many of those same questions and lack of understanding of what I stand for.

I have had people tell me since the post that I stand for God. That not what I mean by the phrase ‘what do I stand for’. The phrase is meant to prompt a thought process of is what I’m doing really helping those in which I aim to help or is it causing harm, is the things I believe in helping people or causing them grief. Is who I am what I want to be? I’ve been on this journey for the past year, realizing the things I grew up believe are not necessarily correct, and not what I want to believe or who I want to be.

The town in which I go to school in is part of the top 10 poorest counties in the States. This knowledge frustrates me knowing that I am leaving one of the poorest communities of the States but yet there is nothing I can do to fix it. This is a statement I would have said before I went to Uganda. Yes, it still frustrates me that I can’t take away all the bad in the world. But, now when I drive through the town of Marion and see the things that I would have once call broken, I see beauty! Poverty is not a direct association to brokenness.

“Come, come, my conservative friend, wipe the dew off your spectacles, and see that the world in moving.” This quote by Elizabeth Cady Stanton, who was a major leader in the women’s right movement, embodies a lot of what I stand for now. I, like Stanton, stand for women’s rights and the right for women to do what they believe needs to be done to take care of there own body, which I believe no man should dictate. This quote also emphasizes the importance to see people for who they are and not what a book says about them. To wipe away the damnation in which we view people but to see them has living breathing humans.  

“Some Nights” by F.U.N still plays a major role in my life. The song has deeper meaning to me. Since being back in the States the song has taken on a different meaning, a meaning that is complex, confusing and beautiful all at the same thing. A few of the lyrics to the song are, “But I still wake up, I still see your ghost Oh, Lord, I'm still not sure what I stand for, oh.” I dream. When I go to sleep I dream of cheerful, unhappy, frightening, and good things. I dream about things that happen in my life and about being apart of Harry Potter, which unfortunately is not real. But even when I dream and it’s hard to wake up and move due to the paralyzing fear that I experience “I still wake up”. I still wake up, me like many people who have fears and doubts. Knowing that the things the ones paralyzed me is not what I stand for, advocating for those people and for the understanding.  I stand for me.

Final Blog!!!!

LAST BLOG!!!!!!

This is my final week in Uganda I leave the April 17 to go to Rwanda and learn about the genocide. Therefore this is my last blog of the semester!!! WOOHOO!! I’m not going to blog about Rwanda just because, I know it is going to be hard for me to see and hear the things that happened there and I don’t think it would be helpful to blog about it. So this is my last blog… What should I talk about? I guess some people are wondering if I’m ready to come home, if I learned a lot about the Uganda culture, or what I have learned about myself. Answer 1)Well I actually do not want to go home I rather stay here! I asked my mom if I could extend my plane ticket and stay a little longer she said, “No”. Answer 2) I have learned a lot about the Uganda culture as well. I learned a lot about hospitality and about being present with people. Answer 3) as for what I have learned about myself I have learned how strong I am but how weak I am as well. This is something that your not going to understand by just reading this post but I hope it answers your questions. I also hope that you get a chance to experience this type of emotion. But that not what I want to talk about in this blog. This blog is my way for me to thank my Uganda friends/family, my USP classmates, and people back in the States who made this experience possible. I will not mention everyone by name but you know who you are and THANK YOU!

I'm so thankful for my grandmother paying for me to
go on a safari. This elephant chased us.

To start off I’m excited to come home and see my family and friends. I have had people e-mail me and ask me if I hate America now that I have lived in a third world country. Honestly, I don’t! I think it okay to love home. And America is home for me and I love it. However, am I scared to come home, ABSOLUTELY. I have wash laundry by hand for the past four months, ate rice and beans, had very little luxurious, and have seen and heard things that are troubling I have lived and witness the third world problems. Which makes coming home exciting and nerve racking all at the same time. I also know that reverse culture shock is going to be hard to overcome but I’m up for the challenge. I also know that I have a really supportive family who is ready for me to be home and that is going to help me readjust to American life. I’m also excited about going home and having a month off to rest and then start working in June. Just an example of how people think differently between the US and Uganda. I was in Luganda class and telling my teacher where I was going be working at this summer and I told her that I was going to be a camp counselor. Her response was camp counselor I did not know that there were refugee camps in America. It totally caught me off guard. In the US we think of camp counselor as hanging out with little kids during the summer and she though of refugee camp, her and I come from two different worlds.  

Me riding shot gun on the bus. Car sickness is no joke
in Uganda,

Well that is not the point of this blog so I shall continue…..

I stayed on campus at UCU, Uganda Christian University, which is not like dorm life in America. It is such a privilege to go to school in Uganda and the students here do not take that for granted. That being said some of the cultural difference are apparent through that. Many of the USP roommates were UCU students. Some of the UCU roommate would turn the light on at 2 in the morning, having discussion with fellow classmates at 2 in the morning, or turn on the light while there roommate was sleeping and kept the light on the rest of the night. I however did not have that problem. My roommate was from Nigeria and only 17. She had been to boarding school since she was 5. I have been so blessed getting to know her and spending time with her. She came and supported me when the USP program had to lead chapel worship or when I played soccer. She also never turned the light on when I was sleeping and when I would leave for homestays I came back to my room being clean with my bed made. I also received phone calls from her checking on me and making sure I was okay when I was at my homestay. This may seem weird to those of you reading this but this is absolutely beautiful to me. We were having a conversation the other day and I was telling her that I only have a few more days here and she informed me that I should stop reminding her because she really going to miss me. If she only knew how much I am going to miss her. Knowing that the possibility for me to see her again is slim. I’m not sure how I’m going to handle saying goodbye. But I do know that she has impacted my life.

Me and my roommate at her dance show

My Uganda host family was INCERIBLE. I wish I could convey how great they were and how they treated me but some of the things are really personal and I don’t want people reading this to make fun of it so I’m choosing not to make mention of it on here. I have never been treated with such honor and grace before. I have never had people I just met take me in as their own daughter, sister, and cousin; and serve me and make sure I had everything I needed. Having them buy me a soda for afternoon tea (because drinking tea in the afternoon made me sick), my host mom bought me things and fixed me skirt. Which was hard at first because I knew I had more money then she did and I felt awful her buying things for me but it was humbling and beautiful to see that my Uganda host mom was taking care of me just like my mom in the States would. This does not due justice to how grateful I am to them.

 

USP girl dorm. Showing some knees,  (which is not
something that is okay to do in Uganda).

Within the USP, Uganda Studies Program, I have learned about what it means to live in community and to have compassion for one another. I do not have this type of community back home in the States. I’m upset about having to leave this community of people who have experienced the ups and down of living in a third world country together and going back to the States and having to deal with reverse culture shock alone. It gives me comfort to know that I have a community throughout the States from Maryland, to Jersey, to across the states in California. I’m the furthers one away from everyone so that is hard knowing that I might not see these people that have experience Uganda with again but it also nice to know that we all are taking what we learned here and applying it to our home in the States. I’m thankful for what I have learned from these people and living in community with them. It’s something that I will always cherish.

Rural home-stay debrief after we were picked up

I also want to mention the support I had back home. Living in Uganda is not some walk on clouds. Life here is hard. Not having the things I’m use to and having to follow other people rules was new for me. Easter Sunday was a hard day. I’m not going to mention why on my blog because I do not want to give a negative image of Ugandans, but an incident happened that really scared me. I did not have any airtime on my Ugandan phone and had no way of calling my mom and telling her what happened and having her talk to me and calm me down. I used my American phone texted her and then called her for 40 min, which I then informed her what had happened. Then she did what any mom would do and calmed me down. Side note. Calling someone international is really expensive but that did not matter she let me talk to her as long as I needed and did not even worry about the phone bill that would be coming in later that month. Nor did she ever complain when I called her and woke her up at 2, 3, or 4 in the morning. Instead she was happy that I called and enjoyed talking to me. The time difference was a struggle, but she never once complained about me calling her and random times and for that I’m truly grateful.

Along with talking about people from the States, I received two packages from people while I was here. In those packages were granola bars, cheese its, and yummy treats. I appreciate the packages so much, also the money that was spent in sending the packages half way across the world. It was nice to have snacks from home when I was tired of rice and beans.

This blog was really long. And I do not even come close to conveying how truly thankful I am to all the people who made this trip possible, helped me along the way, and I meet while I was here. This experience has shown me how sometimes I worry about losing the ones that I hold dear, or that my time here is unclear, but I don't want to live my life in the confines of fear. This experience has been eye opening to me and has caused me to question a lot of what/who I want to be and how that transfer to being a Christian who is an American. I leave Africa April 30, and after 33 hours of traveling and 4 airplane later I will land at Fort Walton Beach. Then I will start trying to implement everything I have learned in Uganda into my life in the States. April 30 is also going to be a hard day for me I will be leaving part of my heart in this great country. I’ll see you in a few weeks America. Uganda thank you for the memories and the love that you have shown me I will have a Uganda shaped hole in my heart. I thinks it true sometimes you do not know what your missing until you experience it. 

But before I end this blog I wanted to share some things that would help me re-enter American life:

*Surround me with love. I'm leaving a community here in which we have cried together, challenged each other, and been each other support. Leaving that and returning back to the States is going to be challenging so don't leave me alone to much because I will get lonely. But at the same time I need alone time to process I'm sure you will know when I need to be left alone and when I need to hangout with family and friends. But most important surround me with love.

*I would love to talk to you about my trip. I did not mention everything that happened on this blog because I did not have time, but also some things were really personal and better shared in person and not over facebook, twitter, or e-mail. That being said don't ask me when you only have five min because I will not be able to explain. Instead let grab coffee, eat lunch (that is not rice or beans) or sit down in a group and just let me talk. At the same time I want to HEAR about YOUR life. Its a two way street.

*Also remember that I was doing a STUDY-abroad not a mission trip.

*Phrases like "welcome back" would be great to hear and will cause me to smile. I hear that phrase multiply time a day here but it sounds like "we come back" so feel free to say that to me. Also be prepared for me to say it to you as well. Avoid phrases like I understand what you mean, explain to me how I feel, I bet you had the time of your life. I can not convey exactly how I feel sometime and these question and comments leave me frustrated I can't give you a response to my trip in response to those question or comments.  

*Be patient with me this experience has opened my eyes to a whole new world. I need time to be vulnerable and to adjust to life back in the States.

*Last and final thing. Thank you all for reading, I look forward to seeing you in a few weeks. Also thanks for not mention my spelling mistake and word use error I had limit access to internet and tired to upload blog when it was available. 

Much love,

Katie Cooper

What do I stand for?

In this blog I am including a song by f.u.n that is called “Some nights”. I feel like this song fits my thought process since coming to Uganda. It’s actually really weird how close this song fits my life in Uganda.

Before coming to Uganda I thought poverty alleviation looked a certain way. I was wrong! Does giving to the poor really solve the need? I have realized that not all-mainstream organizations truly help the community by giving to the poor. For example everybody knows the company TOMS buy a pair of shoes and give a pair of shoes. It seems like a great idea to be able to give a pair of shoes to people in need. However, what about the people in that community that sell shoes for a living; by giving shoes away free of charge you are causing that person to lose business and not have money to provide for his or her family. Yes, the concept is great, but in practice it does more harm than good.

The song starts out with “some night I stay up cashing in my bad luck some night I call it a drug.” Well I have not had much bad luck. I avoided the great flood of 2013 where two MacBook Pros were ruined due to a flood in the hall. I’m not doing any drugs; I am taking Malaria pills, which I really hope they work because I never sleep with my mosquito net. Oops!!

“Some night I wish that my lips would build a castle some night I wish they just fall off.” This statement could not be any truer. I so wish that I would achieve something that would help the people around me both here and the States. However, the easy option of just giving money doesn’t help. I think there is something beautiful about Jesus coming down and being around the least of these. What does it look like for me to help the people who are the poor and the hurting? Not saying that the poor and hurting do not know Jesus, because I think they do. I don’t need to preach to them. I just need to be in community with them. But what does that look like? What does that look like as a young white college student? This is one of my greatest frustrations. To see problems and be totally helpless with no way to fix the pain that one has.

“But I still wake up.” It’s hard. Living in a third world country is hard. Thinking back I could have study abroad anywhere and I choose a third world country. Even in the struggles of life here and seeing poverty, abuse, and eating rice and beans everyday. But at the same time much of those same struggles are in the US. However, we cover them up with pretty houses or designer name brands. In the mist of all this I have to hang on to hope.  

“What do I stand for, most nights I don’t know anymore?” AMEN! As a Christian and a follower of Christ, I want to show certain characteristics and be able to help people through whatever situation they are in. Being here and going to the slums or seeing the street kids at my practicum site I realized that I cannot help them. I just have to suffer with them in the little bit of time I have with them. We have certain guided engagements that we have to fulfill in our class and one of those is having a meeting with a cohort leader. One day at lunch a few of my classmates and I met for lunch with the director of the USP program. We were talking about how to bring back to the States what we have learned here and how that will affect our career or our major upon returning. Then Mark our director shared with us that (this is in my words of what he said so it is not his exact words) there is not a golden major, that will make all our worries about if we are doing what God wants go away. However, whether we work internationally or in the States whatever we do we can show the love of Christ. The Staff here at this program are INCREDIBLE. When I talk to them I always wish that I would have brought a recorder or wrote down what they said because it is so wise. It’s absolutely incredible how much I have learned from them.

This relates to the song lyric because I’m not sure how all of what I have learned plays into what I believe and what I want to do with my life. I thought I had my life planned out but I don’t. I do know that I want to go to grad school; however, I’m not sure if that would be for seminary, social work, or community development. There are certain privileges that we have in the US and coming here and not having them, I realized that some of what I believed came from a privileged mindset. Causing my beliefs to be one sided. What do I stand for?

 I’m skipping part of the song, “I found a martyr in my bed tonight.” No I did not really see a martyr in my bed, I have found bugs and lizards and other animals. But I did go to the martyr site in Uganda where many young men were killed for believing in Christ. In Buganda (the state like thing which I am staying) a region in Uganda, they have a kabaka, the king. One of the Kings welcomed Christianity but soon later order it to be banned. Some of the first Christian converts were in the kings courts and when they accepted Christ they did not make traditional sacrifices to the king and they refused the kings sexual advances. The king then ordered them to crawl on their back from Kampala the capital of Uganda to the place where they were burned alive which I believe was about 10 miles. During their crawl from Kampala they were singing songs of praise to God. Since the martyr did not die before they reached their finally destination, they were wrapped with bamboo and tied then set on fire beginning with their feet. This was a powerful and moving site to see. Knowing years before, the place that I was standing was a place where Christians were beaten, burn, and killed. I’m not making lite of this by relating it to a song but I’m just sharing how its affect has been an apparent throughout my journey in Uganda.     

“This is it boys this is war what are we waiting for why don’t we break the walls already.” What am I waiting for? To get a degree to have tons of money in my bank account, I can stand up for justice now. I can get involved with my community back home and help the people that I’m surrounded with. Perry County is one of the top 10 poorest counties in the States. I go to school there but what do I do to help the community or be involved in the community. Do I make the communities needs my needs. I’m not saying that I can make Perry County a non-poor county but it reminds me of John Perkins. How he left his nice house in California and went back to Mississippi to help develop the town there that was divided by racial tension. It doesn’t have to be that drastic. One thing that I have learned since being in Uganda is that I want to help Perry County I had to leave the community in order to realize that I want to become apart of it.

“What do I stand for.”? I do not know what I believe about poverty alleviation and how to fix it or how to fix the racial tension that is still surrounding us. Or the many other issues that are surrounding us as a community that we just turn a blind eye to. But I do know for me it starts with Gratitude because it focuses me on God, tunes me into reality, and it affects my attitude. With 1 degree changes I can only hope that one day I can witness a change in my community both locally and internationally.  

RAFTING

YOLO! You only live once even in Africa. So why not raft the Nile. I can not wait to come back to Uganda and visit my host family in Kapchorwa but on the way there I have to stop and raft all over again. Rafting was pretty much the funnest and scariest thing ever.

Team Rebuto. This was right before we were going
down a rapid.

The look on our faces is complete terror, and that
what we felt as well 

After we made it out of the rapid, but before we were
going through another one

Im in the blue helmet. As you can tell I'm getting hit with a
ton of water. Scariest moment

This was a category 5 rapid, this is also the moment I question
why I was doing this.

Are leader Rebuto was the best. Before we went down the rapid we had to first watch others and we saw boat after boat flip which is not something that I wanted to see. However our boat was the only boat that did not flip. I thought it was about to many times. When we were going backwards down a rapid or when we were staring straight up at the sky. It was so much fun. My hope is that I did not get any parasites from ingesting so much Nile water but even if I do I had to much fun!  How many people can say they rafted the Nile.....I can.

It's a soccer game

The past few days I have been playing soccer with the women team at UCU, Uganda Christian University. It has been the most incredible time. I have absolutely loved it. I have always played soccer as a (competition) so just going out and playing a sport I love has been great. One day I was living the Dining Hall to walk to my room. The soccer coach saw me and came up to me. He said,” This is my first time seeing you on campus will you be at practice today.” I stated, “Yes sir, if it is okay with you.” In Uganda people here say, ‘feel free’ meaning do whatever you want. The coach told me to feel free. Then we parted ways.

That afternoon after completing my studies, I departed down to the soccer field. I warmed up then went out and scrimmage with them. I just love it I feel so free and it brings such joy to me to play a sport that I love. After the scrimmage was over I walked over to get some water. The coach said Katie on the line. I was confused at first about what was going on then I soon realize that I would be joining the team in running sprints. Joy, the whole time I was thinking about running sprint back at Judson with Becca Ream what a great memory. After we had finished running the coach talked about the game they will be playing on Friday. Which brings me to the point of this blog. Deciding weather or not to play in the game.

Through playing soccer I have found more Ugandan friends. They are some of the most encouraging people as well. They came up to me after practice telling me that I play smart and that they did not think that I could play. Everyone that I talked to wanted me to play in the game Friday and told me that I am apart of the team and that I need to play. Which WOW how incredible, this white girl from America was welcome onto the Uganda soccer team. It’s incredible humbling and incredible freeing. I did not know if I would ever touch a soccer ball again sense I decided not to play college soccer anymore. However being able to come to Uganda and play has given me my freedom back for the sport I love. With that I am incredible thankful for the Ugandan soccer team and the coach for letting me experience that joy that I have missed. I have found that words can not conceive that gratitude that I feel toward the Uganda soccer team and coach and it is best for me just to live out my gratefulness. 

I was able to play in a Uganda soccer game. They provided my soccer cleats and a uniform. It was like I was playing with a middle school team but it was the most fun I have ever had. How I have missed being free and playing a game I love. I'll be posting a blog about the Nile River soon.

Picture

Girl in the village who I feel in love with

My and Kerri after our hike to the waterfall

I was told that I do not post enough picture; therefore here are some pictures of my experience thus far.

My host nephew and a little girl I became friends with in the village

kids!!

The place where I was lost for and hour and a half

Me and my host brother after our hour walk to Sipi
Waterfall

Where we receive water from at my home stay

I see His face in every sunrise

Bottom of the waterfall

Me and Ruth 

I will be sure to add more picture when I post new blogs. But I hope you have enjoyed to few that I have shared